How do we work with the wounds of others we love without needing to constrict and limit our own natural expression and care for self? Is it ever appropriate to allow another’s wounds to control your behaviour? This is a very deep question about boundaries, agreements, and responsibility to self verses to others. We must be careful and conscious about allowing others fragmentation to limit our ability to express our own personal needs and desires, and to care for and fulfil our own needs and desires in our own timing.

It is never appropriate for another to control you, even if they are doing it from a place of woundedness and fragmentation. The choice we must make is if we will agree to the selfish need for control from the other or we will choose to set a healthy boundary. The highest expression of love is as freedom, where one does not need to control others or allow themselves to be controlled. We can honor where the other person is in their healing process and have compassion, but we need to make our own choice if we will allow that wound to limit our own self-expression and self-care.

It is not always the most loving course to put someone else’s needs above our own. We must fully include ourselves in the need for self-care, self-respect and self-attention. Self regard and care is not the same as selfishness. We must learn to navigate when we need to put ourselves first so that our giving is not a giving from fear, burden or obligation, but from choice and freedom. When we care for our own being deeply, we can then be full and vibrant in our ability to flow energy to others.  We must draw a line, we must establish our boundary when another demands certain behaviours from us or tries to control us into loving them. We must seek to name it openly when others use affectionate attention, or claim loyalty or obligation, as a way to manipulate us into meeting their needs and allowing ourselves to be controlled. This is control disguising itself as love. It is based in fear. It is the old energy paradigm and we must seek to stretch ourselves with courage into the new energetics of love, alignment and unity that does not require power or control over others.

Blessings on your journey,

Elaine Marie

 

 

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